How to Find & Be a Great Romantic Partner | Lori Gottlieb
from Huberman Lab
by Scicomm Media
Published: Mon Apr 07 2025
Show Notes
My guest is Lori Gottlieb, MFT, a psychotherapist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people build strong relationships by first understanding themselves and the stories they’ve internalized about themselves and others. We explore how our parents, wounds and unique strengths—both consciously and unconsciously—influence our partner choices and how we show up in relationships, as well as how to avoid and break free from destructive patterns. We also discuss the impact of texting, social media and dating apps on partnership. Lori shares which signals to follow to become the best romantic partner possible and how to make choices that lead to greater vitality, happiness and fulfillment in all areas of life.
Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.
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Timestamps
Dr. Lori Gottlieb
Patient & First Question; Talked Out of Feelings
Self-Regulation vs Co-Regulation, Tool: Pause & Perspective
Sponsors: Helix Sleep & BetterHelp
Relationships, Childhood & Unfinished Business
Unconscious Mind, Hurtful Parent & Familiarity, Role of Therapy
Excitement & Chaos, Cherophobia; Storytelling, First Date & Sparks?
Tool: Awareness of Death & Living Fully; Vitality; Fear vs Acceptance
Sponsors: AG1 & David Protein
Activate vs Energize; Tool: Technology, Numbness & Overwhelm
Numb or Calm?, Gender Stereotypes, Tool: Mentalizing
Feelings, Projective Identification, Tool: Owning Your Feelings
React vs Respond; Space, Tool: Face-to-Face Conversation vs Text
Behavioral Change, 5 Steps of Change, Tool: Self-Compassion & Accountability
Sponsor: LMNT
Deadlines & Rules; Idiot vs Wise Compassion, No Drama & Assumptions
Silent Treatment, Crying & Manipulation, Shame vs Guilt, Self-Preservation
Self-Reflection, Individual & Couples Therapy, Transference; Agency
Texting, Conflicts, Breakups, Pain Hierarchy, Tool: Move Forward
Relationship Breakups, Daily World & Loss
Bank of Goodwill; Talking About Partner, Focus, Comparison
Infidelity, What If vs What Is, Attention & Appreciation
Gut Instinct, Change Behavior, Danger, Productive vs Unproductive Anxiety
Knowing Oneself, Relationships, Flexibility, Shared History
Romantic Relationships & Teens, Social Media, Privacy
Online Apps & Choices, Maximizers vs Satisficers, Tool: Identify Your Weakness
Fixing Issues Early, Tool: Self vs Partner Lists & Character Qualities
Feeling Toward Partner, Calm, Content; Tool: Operating Instructions
Help-Rejecting Complainers; Relationships, Love & Core Wounds
Stories & Unreliable Narrators, Editing, Tool: 5 Senses
Young Men, Masculinity, Confusion
Grief, Making Sense of Loss
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Workbook; Ask The Therapist, Choosing a Bigger Life
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